Assignment 12: Ben Schaeffer

While inanimate objects don't have feelings, their constant state of accomplishing nothing really begs the question, what if they could think and be affected by stimulus? A day would be pretty boring for any inanimate object, specifically a lacrosse stick. I imagine my "wand" feels rather sad and neglected a majority of the time. While I am at school, he is left home all alone, in my room. The little guy wouldn't be able to move around, as he has no appendages. All day while I am at school, he counts down the seconds until he gets to be handled. After all, the only thing any lacrosse stick is good for is handling. When I get home and finally pick him up, he becomes so happy he almost wants to swing himself; however, he cannot, as no muscles exist in his body and he is in fact metal, plastic, and string. When being used in game, his adrenaline reaches almost non-inanimate object numbers. The rush of being swung about causes immense pain, but his niche in this world is use in a contact sport. He gets satisfaction knowing his owner is making proper use of him, unlike some of his buddies still in the factory. Maybe the shaft of the lacrosse stick has a conversation with the head while I am gone. I hope they're good at small talk because they are attached to each other through a screw. I hope one day I am pleasantly surprised to have a conversation with him.